The Electoral System: Reason #2 why voting is irrelevant.
A handful of psychos in Florida get to say who the president is, but in 47
states, nobody really cares who you vote for. That's a better-than-average
election.
Environmentalism: I understand environmental concerns.
I am even worried about environmental issues. Unfortunately, environmentalists
suffer from righteous indignation. I find it
impossible to trust anyone suffering from this, or agree
with them on any level. Righteous indignation immediately forces me to take
an opposing view. I guess it's a personality flaw of mine.
Abortion: Have one if you want. I'm male. I'm never
going to get pregnant. I'm never going to have an abortion. If I am ever
in a position
where an abortion matters, I'll stand behind the beliefs of my significant
other. Hopefully her beliefs won't intrude on someone else. I don't really
care if it's legal or not.
The Military: Are we defending America? Well then, we
need lots of nukes, and the elusive enemy can smolder under a glowing cloud
of radioactive prejudice! Uh... wait a minute... what the hell are American
troops doing in other countries? Are my taxes paying for that?!
Science: I hate any science which isn't meant to pursue
a tangible technological benefit. Astronomy is expensive intellectual posturing
to me. Archaeology benefits the world very little. NASA is a awfully expensive,
when you consider that they don't produce much beyond some pretty pictures.
Foreign Aid: Let's face it, about 5 billion people are
going to die in your lifetime. You'd have two lifetimes of misery if you
spent
1 full second mourning each death. People die. It happens. Get over it. Now...
that having been said... Americans have an awful lot, and there's no reason
to hoard it (especially since we're fat bastards, on average). There isn't
much reason for us not to help them out. Tanks and soldiers aren't the kind
of thing, however, that I feel we need to supply the 3rd world.
Evolution: Get over it, primate. You're descended from
pond scum, just like everybody else! You're sweaty, you have stinky feet and
bad breath. If anybody designed you, you'd smell better.
Prayer in School: You have a right to religion, as long
as you don't force someone else into it. Prayer in schools is wrong. It
isn't
fair. Let me tell you a story. I was raised Mormon. Everyone hates Mormons,
and it's no wonder. It's a really lame religion. When I graduated from High
School, in Podunks-ville, Utah, some dork led everyone into the auditorium
and held a group prayer. Everyone knew it was illegal. People did it, anyway.
Now... a lot of non-Mormon kids were going to my High School. They were pretty
pissed off. So was I... because I'm not into religion. Unless you're Mormon,
you'd be annoyed, too. Mormons in different places are furious at being forced
to participate in Catholic prayers. I've heard the stories. People... we
don't need another reason to hate school.
School in General: Yeah, I'll bet you think it's really
cute that 13-year-old Sally sits around and reads Shakespeare. Hah,
hah, hah. You sadistic scum. Shakespeare is never going to help 13-year old
Sally get a job. Neither is poetry. History isn't going to do it, either.
It's going to be real funny when Sally, inspired by round-robin political
discussions and "opinion papers," gets a degree in Drecht and never
learns a marketable skill. You'll be laughing it up when she becomes --
and
stays -- a poor, angry secretary until she retires at age 65, struggling
to do shit-jobs that nobody else in the office will. Do her a favor and
teach
her how to smear colored animal fat on her mouth and puke up those excess
calories. She's going to be totally dependent on someone else for as long
as she confuses "Literature" with a career.
Confederate Flags: You don't like them, eh? Well it's
history. I don't like your history, either, bub. Actually, I don't like
history
at all. To be honest, I couldn't really care less about flags. I think it's
lame that a symbol of rebellion gets so many people uptight. Personally,
I fly a Jolly Roger at my house. I wanted to piss off the neighbors. No dice,
they're too busy being angry about confederate flags to give a shit about
my mean-spirited skull and crossbones. Maybe I should go out and kick somebody's
cat...
Animal Rights: Animals should have the same basic rights
as people. Which is to say... I think we should legalize cannibalism, human
cosmetics testing (mandatory cosmetics testing on some people!), and slavery.
It beats reading Shakespeare, and we're not "too enlightened" to
control that. It also beats sitting through school prayers. Animals are tasty,
and I'll bet people wouldn't be too bad, either, once you cultivate a taste
for blubbery welfare moms.
